Joe is Out of a Job - FICTION from class
Man, why did people quit smoking cigarettes? It’s like, ever since marijuana became legal, Old Joe has been out of a job. I auditioned to advertise with Hemp Inc. but, no, they said they need a new look. “You’ve been around since 1913. I think we are going to try something a little different,” they said. Which means that Hemp Inc. doesn’t need a century old camel plastered on their promotion posters.
I’ve almost considered gettin’ back with Barnum and Bailey, right? Dude explained to me that they were in dire straits and hardly able to survive themselves these days and couldn’t fit me in. That shit’s going down anyway. I think it’s a blessing they turned me down. I’m better than that. It is shameful I even gave those people the time of day. It only leads me in the right direction.
Yeah, OK. So far it’s directed me to the slumps. But only to better my inner self. Years of gettin’ money just for smoking a cigarette in front of a camera made me forget a few things. It made me a tad greedy, self-centered, and shallow. This recent nonsense about smokin’ being bad for you has been a good thing. Yup…sure has…
So that’s why I’m going to go into communications at IBM. I took some math and speech classes in high school. They’ll surely hire me. I don’t know much about computers since they didn’t have classes like that when I was in school, but I’m a quick learner, they’ll see. I’m sure I won’t even have an interview. They’ll just see my name and hire me on the spot.
But why leave show biz? OK, so I’m disappointed I didn’t get casted in Home Alone V as the kid’s side kick. I simply didn’t fit the part. But I’m sure Quentin Tarantino will make a comeback from the 1990s casting me in his latest flick. Those auditions are tomorrow…
Well, definitely the “slumin’ it” is not for me. Gettin’ closer and closer to livin’ in the streets is quite enculturing. It has, by far, been a cool experience. Maybe I should stick to it and be like Jack Kerouac or some cat like that. Though, it probably would hardly be fair since anyone who drove by me on the road would have to stop because I’m, ya know, me, a celebrity and all.
I should probably read the script for the auditions. I don’t need to…I’m better off gettin’ my beauty sleep. They’ll want me after they see my photogenic cool smile on the camera. They couldn’t possibly turn me down.